Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize