i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
