I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
