It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
