so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
