I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
