You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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