i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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