Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
