yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
