some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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