You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
