Can Purell be used as lube?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize