Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
