He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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