i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
