my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
