I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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