party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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