Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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