I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
