CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These tits shall not be calmed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
