Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
