woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
