why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
