my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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