this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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