you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
