The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
