I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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