I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
