so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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