Your tits are I can't wait for
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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