Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
