Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When are your genitals available?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
