idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All the doctor said was why
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
