I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
foreskin is a definite game changer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
