I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
