I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
