How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
