I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
