how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize