I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
