ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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