weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
