Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
