She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
