At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
