I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
