don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
