I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
