random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
