apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
