Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
