I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
