fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
