there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this just has baby written all over it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
