I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
