Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
